You’ve ever waded into a creek wearing a necktie. You’ve ever fantasized about re-baptizing a certain deacon. You’ve ever wondered why people couldn’t die at more convenient times. You find yourself counting people at the ball game. You’ve ever spoken for free and were worth every penny of it. You drive a car with over 100,000 miles on it. Instead of getting ‘ticked off’ you get ‘grieved in the spirit’. You’ve ever been asked, ‘what do you do the rest of the week?’ You’ve ever stood by a grave as two drunk veterans attempt to fold the flag. The N.T. really is Greek to you. You ever drove up to the Dairy Queen and ordered a ‘church split’. Watch alarms go off while you’re preaching. You’ve ever wondered if there will be song leaders in heaven that could lead it right. You’d like to have a TV ministry but you can’t afford the wigs and makeup for your wife. You’ve ever received an anonymous note. You’re sick of chili suppers and bean dinners. You’ve ever written a letter of resignation on Monday morning. You’ve ever talked to someone sitting on a bed pan. You’ve ever wanted to trade ‘brother walk the halls’ for a member to be named later. The words ‘And in conclusion’ or ‘finally’ mean absolutely nothing to you. You hear, “now that’s preaching” every time you have a guest preacher, speak. And finally, if you think a prayer without the words “guard, guide and direct” are not in it, the prayer won’t make it to heaven…. then you might be an old preacher.